Stupid movies at Walmart and smoking

Haven't touched this blog for awhile. It's pretty stale. Whatever, no one reads it anyhow. I was at Walmart and made a couple observations today:

 1) Walmart, why not have your employees take their smoke break BEHIND the stores, not right in front of the store? The local store parking lot already smells like a giant ashtray/public mens room, so why make it worse by having a half dozen of your employees out puffing on their cancer sticks 20 ft. from the door to the store?

 2) The films in your $5 bin aren't even worth $5. You should actually PAY the customers to take them, or perhaps, offer incentives to take these pieces of garbage, like 10% off if you take any film with Nicholas Cage.

 In any case, some thoughts on this cheap bin loser:

You see, it must be funny, because the woman is smart (the heart by her head shows that she's clever, because she's the woman!) but the man is stupid and animalistic, because the heart is at his groin, and men are all little more than dogs without brains.

Good thing the woman is smart and the man is stupid, because without that trite formula it wouldn't be a $5 cheap bin turd from Hollywood.

I can't stand hollywood, and I'm frustrated that I have to buy things from Walmart.  I hate supporting them when they sell stupid films like this and all of their employees just blow cancer smoke in the parking lot.  Maybe their employees are just disgusted by the stupid films they are required to sell, and it drives them to smoke?  "The Ugly Truth"?  The ugly truth is that Walmart sells a lot of garbage, and if there was a decent alternative, I'd give my money to someone else instead of this monopolitic, smoky beast.

"Enchanted", a stupid, irrelevant Disney feminist apology for the classic "Snow White"

Squinty has written a few too many posts lately, so need to get up to speed here.

I've been thinking lately of the excruciatingly-bad Disney film "Enchanted" lately, which can be thought of as less of a movie to waste time watching with the kids, but rather as a pathetic and humiliating insult to the tradition of the classic Disney Snow White film, which to me remains to this day the finest, incomparably animated film ever.  Of course this film is offensive, and has rabid feminists and others up in arms.  Snow White is a princess who wants nothing more than to marry a prince.  I love it!  No complex, frustrating, impossibly-intelligent, unlikable, proto-feminist, indestructible Reese Witherspoon-types, but rather just a princess who wants nothing more than to wed a prince.  Brilliant.  Perfect.  

With Enchanted, it's like the screen-writer was an angry young woman, trained in the Sith arts of rabid feminism in college, with a fresh social studies BA, who sat down and typed out how the classic Snow White "should" have actually ended, with the princess coming to New York and realizing she doesn't need a prince to be happy, but rather, she needs to be single and successful running her own business.  This was appalling writing and perhaps the stupidest distortion of a classic movie theme I've ever had the misfortune of watching.  Absolutely awful.

I will give Disney credit, though.  They have never stupidly attempted to make a "Snow White 2" (that I know of) and they have left the original alone, as the one film that cannot be ruined with stupid and shallow remakes involving SW trained as a warrior with a huntsman while she has a fling with the film director, or something like that.  

But if Disney did ever decide to make a "Snow White 2", rest assured it would be stupid, and that it would rot in the Disney vault along with "Enchanted."

The original Snow White is a marvel:  wonderful story, staggeringly-good animation (without any lazy Disney computer-animated shortcuts) and a charming soundtrack of both orchestral and vocal numbers.  It's unquestionably a classic, and you can tell by the duration of this film even today: they continue to make rides at the Disney theme park based on this film (haven't seen any films made based on "Enchanted".... maybe they could make Mr. Toad's Commode Ride", in which you ride through a sewage pipe lined with discarded copies of Enchanted...?)

Why I hate football

A man who plays football says to the world: "I hope to injure my spinal column in such a devastating way, through repeatedly being tackled, that I will be forced to live with chronic pain for the rest of my life, popping Motrin like M&Ms..."

A man who sits motionless watching football on television is telling his wife: "I'd rather not have intimacy with you, but I'd rather spend two hours watching young, muscular men grapple with one another."

A man who sits motionless watching football on television is telling his wife: "Those half-naked women cheering on the side-lines for every major team? I'd rather stare lustfully at them than at you..."

A man who sits motionless watching football on television is telling his wife: "A constant stream of commercials for beer, junk food, and semi-pornographic movies are far more important to me than quality time with you."

A man who sits motionless watching football on television is telling his children: "I'd rather watch strapping, fit young men through a ball around to one another, instead of spending time outside playing games with you."

A man who sits motionless watching football on television is telling his wife: "I'd rather sit inert and let fat congeal around my heart."

A man who sits motionless watching football on television is telling himself: "I'm wasting hours of my life watching men run around and grab one another for hours, followed by some of the men hauled off to hospitals, while the rest hurry off to take a collective shower. What have I accomplished?"

Kid's eat free! (oh, but with a catch!)

"Kids eat free!"  Well, actually, TWO kids can eat free, because the average, normal family would never freakishly have more than two nuclear children, so we ONLY support giving a free meal to children who fall into the nuclear model of only two children.  Two parents = two children.  What, you had more than two kids?  You freak!  Don't bother bringing all of your children into our restaurant, because they won't get to eat for free!

Three kids!?  Freakish!
Four!?  Are you insane!!?
Five or more?  Call Obama!!!  Time for population control measures!

Coming soon:  Free dinner for all men who can prove they had a vasectomy!

'Walking Dead' - I don't get into it

I worked through most of the first and second seasons of 'Walking Dead', and I just don't get into it.  It's got plenty of creepiness, but the problem is that the show is so stilted and padded with unbelievably dull and unconvincing character dialog that's so frequently dry and irritating, to the point that I just skipped ahead after one boring conversation after another.

The sub-plots seem might contrived, such as Sheriff Rock's boy getting shot by a deer hunter, a hunter who conveniently has a doctor nearby to bring the boy to (oh, but he's a veterinarian, so that helps tone down the ridiculousness factor.... riiiiight.  He's a veterinarian that knows all about removing bullets and fixing ruptured internal arteries and doing blood transfusions, because those are all things that veterinarians do on a regular basis..."Hurry!  We need to find another Saint Bernard with type O-negative blood!")

The violence, and periodic sexual content, definitely makes this a non-family friendly program, and is disgusting enough to make this a non-rational-neophytos-friendly program too.  Killing zombies by stabbing them in the eye sockets with a screwdriver... oh yeah, thanks for that unpleasant bit of nausea...

What floors me is that they have a "Walking Dead" shooting game in the toy section of the local Walmart.  I ranted about this before, but it bears repeating, if for no other reason than a justification to add 'walmart' as a label to this post.  Why do they carry garbage like that?

The big problem with "Walking Dead" is that there's no clear picture of where this gang is going and why.  By the end of season 2, it seemed like the Rick guy was flipping out, and then the camera pans to a prison.  Why?  Is it filled with zombies or is Rick going to lock everyone up?  Well, frankly, I don't care enough to find out and I won't be bothering with this goofy show anymore.

Besides, the thing about zombies is, how do they see?  Wouldn't flies and bugs be all over their rotting eye sockets?  So what do they do, smell the living humans?  Even that is wacky as the soft nose tissue would all start rotting and falling off too.  Little details like this, though, don't matter to the story-writers with AMC, I suppose, but it is one of those things I wonder about (that, and how is it that with time and bacterial decomposition zombies don't just all fall apart, as Poe once wrote, into a "nearly liquid mass of loathsome—of detestable putrescence."  If these zombies are a result of disease, what exactly holds them together an animates them?

Well, whatever.  It's been a slow day and I posted way too much here.  I need a life.

Fiends with Benefits

I created this Photoshop stupidity on my old blog, and felt it deserved a reposting, as I see garbage films like this all the time advertised at Walmart.  I can't figure out Walmart: are they supposed to be a family-oriented, family-friendly business, or just a massive, soulless conglomerate out to decimate the entirety of the free market in this country?  Ahhh, what good does it do for me to lament, I spend far too much money there.  But why do they have to openly advertise and sell garbage films like this one?  I felt like my intelligence level dropped a few notches just from being unfortunate enough to see the trailer for this film (the trailer was enough to dissuade me NOT to support movie theaters anymore.  I'm starting to think Hollywood can't make a decent film anymore...)

Kate's "Nightmare" - People Magazine's Stupidity

I really should NOT read magazine headlines at the checkout at the store, because it just frustrates me completely, and then I get started writing inane blog posts. 

So People magazine has an important headline about one of the royals, Kate something, who decided to run about naked in public, and how she's experiencing a "nightmare" due to her public nudity being caught by the media.  A nightmare.  Over something so idiotic.  Not the nightmare of the suffering and sickness and death around the world, but the nightmare of stupid behavior and it's consequence.  The nightmare of being a tabloid joke....?

And this is important enough for People to put on the headline?  What an absolutely dumb magazine that I will never pick up.

But what is the deal with the royal family of Britain?  Do they serve any practical, functional purpose?  Other than lewd behavior on the cover of tabloids, what purpose do they serve?  Isn't England run by a parliament, and doesn't the prime minister make most principal decisions for the nation?  So why does the UK retain the nonsensical royal... oh, why do I bother asking rhetorical questions that have no answers.