Fiends with Benefits

I created this Photoshop stupidity on my old blog, and felt it deserved a reposting, as I see garbage films like this all the time advertised at Walmart.  I can't figure out Walmart: are they supposed to be a family-oriented, family-friendly business, or just a massive, soulless conglomerate out to decimate the entirety of the free market in this country?  Ahhh, what good does it do for me to lament, I spend far too much money there.  But why do they have to openly advertise and sell garbage films like this one?  I felt like my intelligence level dropped a few notches just from being unfortunate enough to see the trailer for this film (the trailer was enough to dissuade me NOT to support movie theaters anymore.  I'm starting to think Hollywood can't make a decent film anymore...)

"This Means War" - stupid film redesigned by Neophytos!!!

So I was stuck in line at Walmart the other day (and my three readers already know my feelings about Walmart...) and to the side were some awful DVDs, particularly one featuring my least favorite actress ever, Reese Wither Spoon, called "This Means War". I stood there studying the image on the cover, with a photoshopped Reese flanked by two guys, the one on the left who played the second-rate Captain Kirk in the Star Trek re-launch (aka another nail in the coffin of the franchise) and the other guy was, I dunno, some other guy...

But here's the thing: the Captain Kirk guy - something about his head is wrong.  It seems to be freakishly misshapen, whereas the guy on the right, his head above the eyebrows seems to be freakishly smaller, almost as if there was a terrible transporter beam malfunction and cranial substance was swapped from one to the other.  See what I mean?

 

 

So, I decided to do something about this, and broke out trust ol' Photoshop, and made some changes.  I think what happened was, in a terrible transporter accident, the Kirk-guy had his upper-head swapped with the guy on the right.  So, like a good Scotty, I made things right and fixed the transporter accident.  Check it out...

 

 

The Kirk guy now looks like someone you'd see in a catalog while waiting to get a haircut, but at least his head seems more properly proportioned, I think.  And the guy on the right looks like a guy from my college Algebra class.  But something is still wrong... let me think....

 

Ah yeah, Reese has got to go.  To make this movie a lot better, she needs to be erased from this film, and instead, these dueling guys need to be competing for the affection of a woman with a lot more style, character, and acting prowess.  I've got it!!!

 

 

 

 

No More Dell Computers for Me

So after a mere 4 years, my Dell desktop has decided to go haywire. In the short span I've had this goofy box, I've had to reinstall the OS a couple times and swap out the CD-ROM drive. Both of my USB ports don't work anymore, and I can no longer get the Dell to communicate with the Printer (and I'm usually pretty good at this sort of thing, digging around online to find answers to common problems like this.)

The Dell just seems to be prematurely dying for no apparent reason (and I don't even do that much with it: internet, word processing, Photoshop and the occasional video game, but nothing that should be giving this computer such a heart attack like this!) What's even more frustrating about this Dell is their customer support. Dell apparently has this all done 100% in India now, and, with respect to my Indian pals overseas, let me just say that, you are some nice people on the phone, but I just have a very hard time understanding that heavy Hindi accent, that critically missing English nuance and inflection, that strange tendency to inter-swap "D" sounds with "Z" sounds, etc, etc. Nice folks I'm sure, but I spend a half hour explaining to you that the network card in the Dell isn't working and I really don't think you have a clue what I'm talking about.

There's also, I don't know, a condescending edge to the responses. With the Indian person it's like, "Oh, you silly person, don't you know how to do anything?" Well, yeah, I do, but do you think I'd be calling if I hadn't already done most of the leg-work myself? Just send me a replacement part and let's end this call, kay?

As an aside, I love 100% American call centers. No matter how surly the person on the phone is, at least I feel like they understand what I'm saying, even if they don't care one way or the other. Some of the best call center folks I know of are at Discover card (and friendly they should be, as I've likely paid all of their income with my credit card interest!) There are some not-so-friendly call centers in the US, sure, and I could go off on that in another post, but I'd prefer to get this any day of the week instead of my call getting shipped offshore.



With the US, if you get a grouchy person, you can always ask for a manager, and generally (not always) get a more sympathetic manager to straighten things out. With India, if you ask for a manager, you get someone equally as muddled and just as difficult to communicate with (I'm speaking from experience here, sadly.)

Anyhow, no more Dells for me. If Dell's are anything like the one I bought, they drop parts and fall apart with the tenacity of a 1985 Ford LTD.